“…why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ J.K. Rowling
Having spent some time this weekend in Portland participating in the ritual of sharing 2011 vision boards with two beautiful women friends, I realized that although I feel like I am on the inside of a cannon about ready to explode in a completely new direction –
Gaye's 2011 Vision Board
that it is the contribution I have to bring in this new direction, place, and creation of relationship that matters most.
As women we often feel that we need to “make a difference” in the world, in our families, in our communities, in our relationships – it goes on and on. However, might we try on how it feels inside to compare “make a difference” to “make a contribution”. For me, there is a edge to “make a difference” that is somehow filled with the expectation that we have to do something, and the need to make certain “that something” hits the target that we are aiming at. It also somehow feels attached to attempting to gain favor or recognition for something – that may or may not be our natural authentic expression. Feel a little pressure here?
Now there is nothing wrong with challenging ourselves, but how does it feel to simply “contribute” from the still (and sometimes very loud) voice inside that asks you to follow your heart and soul. To bring that unique expression that is only yours out into the world. There is a flow that happens when we reach this place….and a knowing that even if we “fail” in bringing or manifesting our contribution out into the world, that at least we have taken our divine and true nature and given it a voice and a form from which to express.
As J.K. Rowling says in the above quote, when we stop pretending to be other than what and who we are, then we have the energy, passion and commitment to direct into the livelihood/artistic expression/relationships that matters most to us. We set ourselves free when we contribute from this place of being….and it is here that we thrive.
There are two videos this week that I want to share with you. The first is of an amazing woman by the name of Jeanne Dowell who is a first-time entrepreneur at the age of 80! Merging her long-time experience as a yoga teacher, Jeanne, along with her 44 year old daughter, launches a new eco-friendly apparel business – The Green Buddha company. Jeanne teaches us that it is never too late to contribute and that often, just naturally, that contribution does “make a difference”.
The Green Buddha-oomphtv.com
The second video is at the other end of the age spectrum and features an incredibly courageous, articulate, wise, intelligent and beautiful young woman giving a keynote talk on Martin Luther King Day in her high school auditorium. Kayla’s contribution is saying YES to her fullest self – even when that may present challenges that she might not know how to handle. Staying silent however, is not an option for this young woman….and her entire school learns a deep and valuable lesson about being authentic, even when it is terrifying and filled with the unknown.
Maria Carillo Highschool, Santa Rosa, California – Kayla comes out.
May we yield to the Divine nature that we are and trust in the direction that it leads us.
You will find Dewitt Jones on my other blog post this week since he, and what he has created in his life – and continues to expand into – has made such a great impact for me. The title of this blog post is actually a quote from him from his recent interview done with Sheila Finkelstein of Picture To Ponder.
In that interview he said, “taking time to fill your cup every day is an act of creative selfishness.” If we can see our creativity as a way to “fall in love with our world” instead of something that other people are judging, then we are well on our way to being authentic in our expression.
That shift in consciousness around our very individual and unique contribution to the world – whatever it is – can not only enliven us, but has the potential to enhance life for other living things as well.
We are connected to something way larger than we are. The energy of passion drives everything and there is something to celebrate in each day. Our life is our art!
Listen to WHO by Gypsy Soul below, an incredible group from Ashland, Oregon. We are the sum of the choices we make!
This single is the stridently independent Gypsy Soul playing in Seattle’s Triple Door Theatre – part of their Live DVD
“But if you are gonna fail, fail for who you are rather than failing while trying to be good at what other artists and writers have been good at. Fail looking for the truth rather than because you tried to avoid it. Recognize your beauty, submerge yourself in it, and create out of it.”
Archibald Campbell, Wild Artist, Heron Dance www.herondance.org
There is no ’supposed to be’ in bodies. The question is not size of shape or years of age, or even having two of everything, for some do not. But the wild issue is, does this body feel, does it have right connection to pleasure, to heart, to soul, to the wild? Does it have happiness, joy? Can it in its own way move, dance, jiggle, sway, thrust? Nothing else matters. ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
So much attention has been put on women’s bodies and whether they are “right” or not. The fall out from that, which has come from our culture, and to which women have bought into, is that almost no woman is happy with the way that she looks.
Let’s face it, aging is wonderful because it means that we are still here to enjoy life’s moments – but there are changes that come with that naturally and always! I love Clarissa Pinkola Estes quote above because it reminds us as women that we have these wonderful feminine bodies to enjoy, create life with, have pleasure within, love with, move down our path with, and “move, dance, sway, jiggle, and thrust” into the wildness of our lives.
Here is a video that made me smile – and start moving and swaying myself. The singer is obviously having a marvelous time in her body with multiple colors adorning it…. and singing her heart out. I challenge you to stay still on this one and not smile at least once!
We have entered a New Year and a shift to increased light in each day. Light to shed on the new possibilities and opportunities ever present as we walk the path of our lives. It is the custom of many at the beginning of the year to make “resolutions” and be very committed to them for the first two months or so – then lose interest, or momentum, as time moves on. I know – I’ve been there! But for the last two years I have chosen to do something different. I have created vision boards from a place of openness and receptivity. Last years focus was on “coming as you are” – in other words no hiding anything and fully expressing!
Vision Board 2010
This year I sat with two women friends on the first day of 2011 again creating vision boards, and taking part in ritual to shift each one of us into a receptive space of letting go, and opening to bringing in. Part of that ritual included making a list of the perceived positive and negative events/experiences that happened over the last year that has just ended. After sharing with each other we burned them in a ritual of letting go, and then proceeded to meditate together for 11 minutes (for 2011) before starting our creations. Reflecting back on this time together a day later I find that ritual with other women feels like “coming home”.
Sitting down to start selecting images and words to remind of intentions around actions to be taken, energies to embody, and paths to explore, it seemed more important to put the focus on one word for the entire year. Every experience in 2011 would be informed by the energy and layers of that word. My word was WEALTH – in all of its many meanings.
In ending this post I want to say that I sometimes wonder about the “shells” that we often encase ourselves within – patterns, beliefs, and self imposed limitations – keeping us from expressing and being the fullness of who we are as women and unique beings. I know that has been true for me. Are we really “protecting” ourselves, or is it time to break through the shell and shine, show our light and our strength, and challenge the engrained and contracted self imposed boxes we sometimes place ourselves in. The mere act of breaking the shell ignites the process of coming home!
I say in this first post of 2011 – what if you decided to break through the shell?
Rachel of Mandala Custom Homes (FB) posted a link to the blog of Anthony Lawlor – author, muse, and architect. I post it here for all of you to read the wise words he has written, and to witness the miracle of the determined life form to break from its shell.
This being the last post of the year I decided that I would send you to the post that is on BreathingSpaces (click here) with a little extra added on for women.
My experience as a woman is that women are experts at giving and relating…but receiving, or giving to themselves, often isn’t quite as easy. Along with the proposed New Year’s Commitment for 2011 I say let’s remember to perform random acts of kindness and generosity for, and directed towards, ourselves…and receive graciously with full openness and surrender.
How about that for a New Years Resolution?! Women Who Thrive, Change The World!
“Imagine a Woman” poem has circled the globe. It has been read by politicians in South Africa and Bermuda, genocide survivors in Rwanda, artists at their showings, graduates at their graduations, friends at cronings and birthdays, ministers at memorials and commitment ceremonies. It is tweeted, blogged, posted, and loved throughout the world! The poem is 15 years old. Thank you to: Sherryl Frauenglass: A Woman’s True Voice
I started with this poem as it is a great entry for the focus of todays post. A couple of days ago I was at my optometrist listening to him lecture me on the fact that I was seeing, without correction, at 20/70 and that was not good enough to drive without glasses or contacts.
I sat there reflecting on the fact that over the past 10 years or so my vision has improved as I have consciously worked with lowering the correction in my contact lenses….and more importantly seeing my world, my life, and my body as an exciting creative art piece that I have been so lovingly gifted with this lifetime.
For whatever reason I held back from him the information that I used to be tested at having vision without correction at 20/350 in one eye and 20/400 in the other! I somehow wanted to savor that without any explanations from my very competent optometrist….
Much to my delight Susan Gala’s Inspiring The Whole Radiant You posted a video by Christiane Northrup, M.D. whom I have followed for some time now. I share this with you as a reminder of who you are….and what you can create with awareness and commitment to your individual thriving and that of the women who’s lives you touch. Let the words of Christiane inspire you for 2011 to become “the whole radiant you” NOW as you age into beauty and flourishing!
Christiane Northrup, M.D., pioneer and visionary in the field of women’s health, brings her seventh special to PBS, WOMEN’S BODIES, WOMEN’S WISDOM. This program is based on the fourth revision of her classic text, and brings to viewers Dr. Northrup’s newest thinking about how women at all ages can transform their relationships with their bodies, inside and out.
(Oh, and by the way I was told that my contact prescription needed to be changed as I was “over corrected” and cataracts were beginning to form in my eyes too!)
Over the past few weeks, as I continue to straddle several worlds of livelihood in my own life, I have been lead to reflect deeply on what will not only bring sufficient cash flow to sustain me, but most importantly will be in alignment with who I am in my fullest and deepest authentic expression and my deep desire to bring good into this world. There are many of us who have worked diligently on our own “money wounds” and have attempted many strategies for clearing away the “shame” and illusional beliefs around this particular form of energy called money.
Recently I have come to the conclusion that a lot of our own self worth has been tied into whether we “have it”, whether we “have enough of it” and whether we “are enough” in order to make/create “it”. It seems such a waste of precious life energy to have so much of our time and attention tied into such a paradox….and this global scarcity paradigm pervades everything!
Many of us are finally coming around to deeply honoring whatever it is that we are called to do, whether it be in the arts, health professions, or business….and disengaging it from having to make large amounts of money from whatever it is that we are doing. Though that may naturally happen – it is not the “end all” goal, nor does it define who we are and what we have to bring.
When I had my own business in massage, breath work, yoga therapy and women’s retreats, I remember the thoughts of “needing one more person to sign up” or “having enough clients for the week” which seemed to be a never ending cycle of “not enough” and struggle – which then translated inside of me to “I guess I am just not enough because I don’t know how to do this and sustain my well being at the same time in the manner that my culture tells me I should be doing”! In fact, I loved what I was doing, but the self imposed pressure to “make more money” took away from that natural feeling of fulfillment and creativity.
We all know that this is a journey that most all of us have to walk, until we find the peace inside of ourselves to do what it is that deeply calls to us from a place much deeper than monetary gain. Sometimes that means we will have “lean” times, and sometimes we will have “abundant monetary” gains….but amidst it all is the knowing that we are listening to what moves us, honoring our creativity, heart, intelligence, and intuition – and giving it out into the world as the video above reflects to us.
This week a Facebook connection that I think highly of posted a piece that you will find below. McCall has been consciously walking her path for awhile now and I found this piece deeply honest and real. This may touch some of you and others may disagree,…but what is important here is that we speak what is moving in us, share our stories, and support each other in walking the path of “enough” – ourselves and the resources we have at our disposal. I have asked that we start a revolution – a revolution of ENOUGH – of perhaps more than enough – as we look in the mirror at our magnificent beings and recognize the “power of one” walking a soul path ! Thank you McCall for this piece and for stimulating dialog!
The Money Paradox: Feeding the Belly and the Dream
So many of us are feeling it now. The urge to do deeper work, to excavate our deepest gifts, passion, and truth, to be the change we want to see in the world.
Not only are we feeling it, we’re doing it! We can’t help but do this. And in doing so, we’re often called to leave behind many traditional life patterns. Including traditional jobs.
Enter money.
Yikes.
How do we continue to pay our bills while following our hearts? We can’t turn away from our soul’s work any sooner than we can avoid death and taxes. We also can’t turn away from the fact that our rent is due, we have mouths to feed, and god damnit it still takes money to live in this world. (Don’t worry; I’m working on a revolution to change that) But for now…
Let me share with you a few key points that have helped me shift and soften this money conundrum since leaving my 9-5 job five years ago to follow dreams.
First, we must must ditch the “Do what you love and the money will follow” saying. I don’t know where this woo-woo-feel-good tagline came from, but evidence shows it’s serving the credit card industry, NOT the soul-saving-change-the-world-with-your-dreams industry. It’s just not reality for most people to instantly make money doing what they love, and I am “most people.”
Let’s face it; we are in a culture that doesn’t pay change-the-world-creative-types the big bucks. We pay doctors, lawyers, athletes, and Hollywood mega stars. Many of us are called to follow a soul path of music, writing, art, healing, mentoring, and teaching that doesn’t pay the big bucks. So? We’ll do it anyway if that’s what our souls call us to do. We’ll do what we love and figure out a way to pay the bills. Some may call this limited thinking. I call it reality.
Next, we must must stop attaching our worth or how well we are following our true path to how much money we are bringing in from it. There’s a saying among writers that goes, “The only difference between not being published and being published is being published.” Same goes for making money from our gifts. One of my greatest mentors is an amazing writer. All of her books are self-published and as good (and more life-changing) than many books I’ve read on the best-seller list. But she doesn’t pay her mortgage from book royalties. (Few authors do) But she is hitting her soul calling right on the mark.
As for me, I felt like the most dreadful failure a year after quitting my job, writing killer songs, creating my own buzz in the indie music scene, and expecting the money to follow, because “God damnit I was following my passion!” but instead I had a $10,000 credit card bill in my hands and no way to pay my rent.
And I couldn’t go back to a 9-5 job. I just couldn’t. I’d come too far on my own path.
Rock and a hard place !
Learn to negotiate to fund the dream. So, I got a waitressing job, knocked out my debt, kept food (organic food, of course) on my table, and kept writing songs. Strangely, that waitressing job made me feel less of a failure and more at peace knowing I was taking care of shit on my end. I’ve gone in and out of seasons of needing my waitressing job to pay the bills since then, because sometimes I’m making enough from my dreams than other times. I am no longer ashamed or prideful about that either way. It is what it is. It’s all an energy flow, and there are greater things at play here than I have control over.
These days I’m not picky about where the money comes from, as long as I’m living true to my heart and bringing good to the world. I can do that while waiting tables too. Some people can even do that while working a 9-5 job. Truth be known, you’ll find me more often than not advising my clients to keep their day jobs as long as possible. Day jobs can be a blessing. They can fund the dream! I say, stay until staying truly interferes with your soul moving forward, not until you merely have a case of entitlement and wish you were somewhere other than there. Only you can know when that is.
Embrace the paradox. All this said, I still find myself falling into the trap of thinking “Someday when I figure out how to really make money with this. Someday, when I’m discovered. Someday….then the money paradox will go away.” Hmf! It never goes away. It might soften and get easier over time, and yes, we really can (and do) make money following our hearts and using our gifts. But the paradox is always there. Even for Oprah, Meryl Streep, and James Taylor. We all need money to live. Embrace the paradox, and it softens. I promise.
Alright my friends, that’s all I have for now. I just gave you my best on the money issue. As always, open to hearing your take on things. We all grow together when we share our experience, strength, and hope.
As the holiday season gets fully underway the stress of attempting to be “perfect” in doing all that “needs to be done” hits us with full force. Connection with others becomes foremost in our every day experience as we juggle shopping, working, parties, entertaining, and on and on. Emotions run their highs and lows, and at times we end up
wishing all of it would just “be over with”.
A couple of weeks ago a video came my way which was a very well done interview by Patricia Gras with Dr. Brene Brown. Dr. Brown has done extensive qualitative research on the emotion of “shame” and its intimate connection with perfectionism. She states that shame is a very primitive emotion and that it has to do with fear of disconnection.
Connection is “hard wired” into our being as humans and is a basic need. Shame is an intensely painful feeling or belief that we are flawed in some way and somehow inadequate or unworthy of connection.
Our culture, through media and advertising, blasts us with perfectionism and ridicules those who are not – claiming that we will be accepted and loved if we are perfect.
We end up struggling and creating the very disconnection that we fear the most.
It is here that we are invited to look at areas of our lives where we struggle with perfectionism, and more importantly to share the stories with others we trust when we experience shame. It is our imperfection that connects us with each other – our shared humanity.
Thus, in attempting “perfection” we are actually disconnecting from the very connection we long for. In authentically sharing our experiences and receiving those stories from others with empathy we are connecting on the deep levels that call to us from our primitive instincts. Dr. Brown states “shame cannot survive empathy”.
(Go to Part 2 for the second half) (Thank you to Lynn Walker for this video!)
This holiday season let go of the perfection and appreciate your own humanity and that of others. Tell stories, listen to each other, and connect on real and authentic levels. Let go. Might this contribute to a different holiday season?
Now go to this video and see how easy it is to be connected just by being yourself as you are in the moment and simply waiting for the love to be reflected back to you. Don’t let anything get in the way of living your life in connection!
“…why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ J.K. Rowling
leads us.
WildlyFreeWoman 