If Not Now, When?
For a long time now the title of this post had a certain meaning to me. Don’t hesitate. Seize the moment. Take action on what you have been secretly yearning for so long now. Life is very short and if not lived in the moment it seems even shorter. What do I really want to do with the time left to me?
All of this still holds true, but recently I have discovered that is just the surface of what happens when you pose this question to yourself and action is taken. Perhaps this question arises from a place deep inside when a pattern that has run your life is asking to be dissolved. Perhaps it is time to free yourself.
Imagine a young girl of 14 who has just lost her mother very suddenly. Her father is devastated by her death and goes into a place of depression leaving this young girl to take care of her brother who is 4 years younger, the household, and continue to do the dance of Junior High School, all without any grief counseling or emotional support. Consider what pattern this must have created.
Each of us has a story, a set of life circumstances that laid down a pattern(s) from which we have lived our lives in order to survive, belong and feel loved and seen. Many of us have deeply buried the sense of wholeness of who we are, and instead have lived life through the filter of this pattern. Then we are presented with “If not now, when?
In my case, and yes I was that young girl of 14, I learned to make others needs a priority making certain everyone was taken care of before my own needs so that I might feel love, appreciation, importance, and a sense of safety in my world. Over and over I played the part of selfless martyr to my patterns demand – until I woke up.
Life usually hands us circumstances in which we can pick apart our patterns a bit at a time. Then perhaps comes a more expansive awakening when all the threads that have held it together can no longer stay entangled. An awakening where we cannot blame outside circumstances or others for the traumatic or toxic places/relationships we have placed ourselves in, or give excuses for not being all that we were meant to be – but instead take responsibility for freeing ourselves from the patterns that have run our lives.
It is not comfortable to be so honest with yourself and bring the pattern out of the dark closet so that it can be seen – but it is indeed our job to simply do the work sacredly and silently into our own new awareness. Our life then has the potential to change and open to allow a connection to the wholeness of who we are….and those with “eyes to see and ears to hear” will respond.
No dragging kicking and screaming necessary…..
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